My 19 year old stepson hanged himself 25 years ago and “others” took over leaving us impotent and immobile in dealing with his death. It was years later when we realised how disappointed we were that we hadn’t gotten the chance to do it differently. Five years later, our 7 year old daughter collapsed due to a brain haemorrhage. She was in hospital, had surgery, but was brain dead 3 days later. I was able to take care over and do all the things that needed to be done – mainly for her but more importantly for us and all the other children. We took time to wash her and care for her body while waiting for her organs to be retrieved. We had her home in an open coffin for 3 days. It was wonderful and probably one of the best experiences of my life.