My mum died suddenly and quickly in 2003. My dad, two brothers and I were in shock. I think we muddled through the things you have to do such as call friends, get the death certificate, organise the funeral. She left no will but had always said she wanted a burial. My dad said a few days after she died, “I can’t do a burial. I can’t face it.” We went for a cremation and I told myself that the funeral is more for the bereaved than the deceased. It wasn’t my choice and I would have gone with a burial but I felt I needed to support my dad. On the day of the cremation we were sitting in Woking crematorium (the crem). My brothers on my left, my dad on my right. An oak coffin covered with roses. The music started. Dad had chosen Pachelbel’s Canon but that wasn’t the music. We were shocked but couldn’t do anything! I can hear now mum (who was good at anger in life) saying, “that’s not my music and this is NOT my funeral!”